Category: Happiness

Don’t Find Love, Let It Find You

Sheryl Gim18 Comments

What if I told you that all your frantic searches for love might actually be keeping it at bay? Yes, you read that right. There’s wisdom in the age-old adage: Don’t find love, let it find you. I’ve always been a firm believer in the magic of happenstance and the serendipity of life, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.

Let’s take a moment and think about it. We’re often told that we have to work hard for everything in life, which is undeniably true. However, when it comes to love, maybe it’s not about working harder but working smarter.

My Personal Journey to Finding Love

Let me share a bit of my personal journey. For the longest time, I was obsessed with finding the one, the perfect fit, my other half. I sought love in every corner, every face, and every fleeting connection. I thought that if I could just look hard enough or try hard enough, I would find my person.

Instead, I found myself constantly chasing shadows, always reaching but never quite touching. The idea of love I had so zealously sought began to feel like an elusive dream, forever just out of my grasp. I realized I was so focused on the end goal of finding love, I had stopped living my life. I was waiting for love to start my story, rather than weaving my own narrative.

So, I made a shift. I decided to stop looking for love and start loving myself, my life, my journey. I started to explore my passions, took up hobbies that I’d always been interested in, started reading more, and traveled solo. I spent quality time with my friends and family. I sought to build a life I was proud of, a life full of joy and fulfillment, even if it was lived solo.

Love found me…

And in the midst of that self-love and exploration, something beautiful happened – love found me. It was not a dramatic moment of realization, no lightning bolts or fireworks. It was a simple, gradual, and deeply profound understanding that I had fallen in love with someone who had become an integral part of my beautifully woven life.

Love found me when I was busy living my life, when I was becoming the best version of myself, and when I wasn’t consciously looking for it. This wasn’t because I was not wanting or ready for love, but because I was living a life that was attracting it.

This doesn’t mean that you should stop wanting to find love. It means that love, much like many beautiful things in life, often happens when you least expect it. When you are focused on becoming the best version of yourself, on living your life to the fullest, love finds a way to your heart.

Looking for love?

So, if you’re currently searching for love, I invite you to pause, breathe, and refocus your energy. Instead of trying to find love, why not let love find you? Stop searching for your other half and start exploring your whole self. Embrace your passions, your desires, and your dreams. Live a life that makes you happy, content, and proud.

Love isn’t something you find; it’s something that finds you when you’re ready. So be patient, be kind to yourself, and most importantly, remember to live your life to the fullest. Because you are whole, you are complete, and you are enough, just as you are.

In the grand scheme of things, love is not about finding the right person, but about becoming the right person. So live your best life and let love find you in your journey. Let it be surprised by you. After all, you’re pretty amazing, and any love would be lucky to find you.

So, in the journey of life, don’t find love, let it find you. Because often, the most beautiful things in life are not the ones we find, but the ones that find us.

Why We Shouldn’t Allow Repeated Disrespect, Even From Family

Sheryl Gim9 Comments

Respect forms the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, be it with friends, partners, colleagues, or family. It’s the acknowledgment that every individual has worth, feelings, and boundaries that deserve recognition and consideration. Unfortunately, for many, the lines of respect blur, especially when family is involved.

The Misconception about Family and Respect

There’s a prevailing belief that family members have an inherent right to our lives, irrespective of their behavior towards us. For example, think of an aunt who borrows money and never pays back, believing that familial ties excuse them from financial responsibilities. Or consider a parent who constantly criticizes their adult child’s lifestyle choices, feeling entitled to do so just because they raised them.

Statements like “Blood is thicker than water” and “Family is forever” are deeply ingrained in our culture. For instance, when A expressed her reluctance to attend family gatherings due to her cousin’s derogatory remarks, her friends said, “But she’s family. You just have to put up with it.” Similarly, when B felt overshadowed by his older brother’s achievements and wanted some space, his mother remarked, “Family is forever, you should be supporting each other no matter what.”

These sentiments can be both comforting and confining. On the one hand, they offer a sense of belonging and unconditional support. Imagine a situation where a family rallies around a member going through a tough time, citing the strength of family bonds as their motivation. But on the other hand, these beliefs can feel like chains when they’re used to justify repeated instances of disrespect.

They imply an unconditional bond – and while that bond is irrefutable for most, as in the case of C who always felt a connection with her sister despite their differences, it doesn’t equate to an open invitation for disrespect. For example, just because D’s aunt helped finance his college education doesn’t give her the right to belittle D’s mother continually.

These examples shed light on the complexity of familial relationships and how the lines of respect can blur in the face of societal beliefs and personal sentiments.

Why Repeated Disrespect is Detrimental

1. Erodes Self-worth

Continually being on the receiving end of disrespect affects how you view yourself. It chips away at self-esteem, leading to self-doubt.

2. Sets a Precedent

Allowing someone to disrespect you repeatedly sets a precedent not just for that person, but for others around you. If you don’t stand up for yourself, others might assume they can treat you the same way.

3. Affects Mental Health

Chronic exposure to disrespectful behavior can lead to stress, anxiety, depression, and a plethora of other mental health issues.

4. Strains Relationship Dynamics

It’s difficult to maintain a genuine and healthy relationship when there’s persistent disrespect. The relationship becomes more about managing discord than enjoying companionship.

Drawing the Line with Family

Confronting a family member over their behavior isn’t easy. The fear of causing rifts or being isolated can be overwhelming. However, for the sake of your mental well-being and the health of your relationship, it’s necessary. Here’s how:

1. Open Communication

Initiate a conversation where you explain how their actions or words make you feel. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding confrontational. For instance, “I feel hurt when you criticize me for not giving you what you want.”

2. Establish Boundaries

Make it clear what behavior you won’t tolerate. Be specific about your boundaries, and communicate the consequences if they’re crossed.

3. Seek Mediation

If direct communication doesn’t help, consider seeking mediation through counseling or therapy. A neutral third party can provide perspective and guidance.

4. Limit Exposure

If all attempts at resolution fail, it might be time to consider limiting your exposure to the disrespectful family member. This doesn’t mean cutting ties, but rather controlling the circumstances under which you interact.

5. Prioritize Self-care

Surround yourself with positive influences, engage in activities that boost your self-esteem, and consider therapy or counseling to navigate the emotional turbulence.

Photo by Madison Inouye on Pexels.com

Unconditional love doesn’t mean unconditional tolerance of hurtful behavior. While family holds a unique place in our hearts, it’s essential to recognize when the boundaries of respect are being overstepped. Stand up for yourself, communicate your feelings, and remember that you deserve respect in all interactions, no matter the familial ties.

Recommended reading:
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Do You Have a Toxic Family Member? (Psycom)