Category: Marriage

The Silent Crisis of Sexless Marriages in Japan

Sheryl Gim8 Comments

Recently, I stumbled upon a candid post in a Facebook group that got me curious. The poster bravely opened up about their sexless marriage, shedding light on an issue many are too embarrassed or pained to discuss openly. This revelation inspired me to delve deeper into the topic, particularly as it pertains to Japan.

This post will be brief, and I will include external links to articles at the end if you wish to read further. Please keep in mind that I am not responsible for the content of the external links. They are just articles that I find informative.

In the sprawling metropolis of Tokyo, with its high-rise buildings and neon lights, a quiet crisis is unfolding in the privacy of countless homes: the rise of sexless marriages in Japan. While the issue isn’t exclusive to Japan, the circumstances and cultural nuances make it particularly pressing here.

The Stats Don’t Lie

According to studies, a significant percentage of married couples in Japan have reported not having had intimate relations with their partner in the past year. This phenomenon isn’t isolated to the older generation. Young couples too, often with children, find themselves in marriages devoid of physical intimacy.

The Weight of Work

Work culture in Japan, characterized by long hours and a strong sense of commitment, often leaves individuals drained and bereft of time and energy for personal life. When you return home from a 12-hour workday, the thought of intimacy might be the furthest thing from your mind.

Parenting and Pressure

For couples with children, the focus often shifts from being a partner to being a parent. Mothers, in particular, may be overwhelmed by societal expectations of being the “perfect” caregiver. This focus on parenting can further drive a wedge between couples.

Communication Breakdown

Japanese culture traditionally values stoicism and not burdening others with personal issues. This can often lead to a lack of communication between couples. Without discussing feelings, desires, or needs, the distance between partners can grow.

The Digital Divide

The age of technology brings its own challenges. With the plethora of online entertainment options, individuals may find solace in the digital world, often at the expense of real-world relationships. The ease of online communication can also sometimes make it more challenging to connect in person.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Japan’s prevalence of sexless marriages is a reflection of wider societal challenges, from intense work demands to evolving relationship dynamics. It’s crucial to understand that this issue goes beyond mere physical intimacy; it’s about forging deep emotional and psychological connections. I believe every relationship deserves the chance to blossom in every dimension, and I hope this post sheds some light on a topic that requires more open dialogue and understanding.

Recommended articles:

  1. More Than Friends, But Not Quite Lovers: Japanese Marriage Trends (nippon.com)
  2. Japanese Work Culture: How is it Different from The US? (Coto Japanese Academy)
  3. Sexual Dysfunction and Satisfaction in Japanese Couples During Pregnancy and Postpartum (National Library of Medicine)
  4. Sake and Stoicism: Exploring The Four Stoic Principles Through Nihonshu (Yamato Magazine)

Is it Wrong to be Financially Dependent on Your Husband?

Sheryl Gim21 Comments

Recently, I came across a viral post detailing the advice of a Filipino celebrity who encouraged wives to be financially independent as a precaution against potential infidelity by their husbands. This got me pondering on the broader issue of financial dependence in relationships, particularly in the context of marital dynamics.

Historical Context of Financial Dependence

Throughout history and across cultures, it has not been uncommon for women to be financially dependent on their husbands. In some societies, it was (and still is) seen as the husband’s role to provide for the family while the wife looked after the home and children. Financial dependence in these contexts was less a matter of choice and more a normative expectation.

In ancient Roman law, for example, the pater familias – the male head of the household – had significant power and control over the family’s assets. Women, once married, had limited rights to property or to engage in commerce, and their financial identities were effectively subsumed under their husbands’.

Photo by Michelle Reeves on Pexels.com

Photo: A dominant male figure

Similarly, in the Middle Ages across Europe, the doctrine of coverture meant that a woman’s legal identity was “covered” by her husband upon marriage. She couldn’t own property in her name, sign contracts, or conduct business without her husband’s explicit permission.

The Confucian traditions of East Asia, which deeply influenced societies like China and Korea, stressed the role of the man as the provider and the woman as the homemaker. The philosophy didn’t outright deny women’s rights to property, but in practice, it was the men who handled most external affairs, including finance.

In many indigenous cultures around the world, while women played vital roles in family and societal structures, the formal handling of assets and trade often rested with the men.




However, it’s crucial to understand that this financial dependence wasn’t always perceived negatively by the societies of the time. Instead, it was often seen as a division of labor where men and women had distinct roles, each critical to the family’s and community’s wellbeing. Over time, as the global dialogue on gender roles evolved and the importance of financial independence became clear, especially in the face of unforeseen circumstances like widowhood or abandonment, there was a growing push towards women’s financial literacy and autonomy.

The Modern Perspective on Financial Independence

Today, with the rise of feminism and the empowerment of women, the narrative has shifted. Women across the globe are encouraged to be financially independent. This not only serves as a safeguard in the face of potential challenges in the marriage but also as a means of personal empowerment. There’s a sense of security and self-worth that comes from being able to earn and manage one’s finances.

How do you feel about the evolution of financial dependence to financial independence?

The Concern Behind the Celebrity’s Advice

The Filipino celebrity’s perspective, rooted in the fear of infidelity, underscores a distressing reality – relationships can be unpredictable. While hoping for lifelong commitment and trust, there’s an inherent wisdom in preparing for life’s unexpected turns. Financial independence doesn’t just offer security in the face of betrayal; it also provides a safety net in the event of unforeseen circumstances like illness, divorce, or economic downturns.

Is it Wrong to be Financially Dependent?

Labeling financial dependence as “wrong” or “right” is an oversimplification. Each couple’s dynamics are unique, and what works for one might not work for another. Several factors, including cultural backgrounds, personal beliefs, and individual circumstances, come into play.

However, complete financial dependence without any form of personal savings or financial knowledge can potentially put one in a vulnerable position. It’s essential for everyone, irrespective of gender or marital status, to have some financial literacy and awareness.

The Middle Ground

Perhaps the conversation shouldn’t be about dependence vs. independence but rather about interdependence. Couples can build a life together, pooling resources and sharing responsibilities, while also maintaining some level of personal financial autonomy. This ensures that both partners have the confidence and means to support themselves if needed, but also value and rely on the partnership they’ve built.

Photo by Emma Bauso on Pexels.com

While the celebrity’s advice provides food for thought, it’s essential to remember that every relationship and circumstance is unique. Financial independence is empowering, but it’s also okay to lean on a partner for support. The key lies in striking a balance, ensuring open communication about finances, and equipping oneself with basic financial knowledge and skills. It’s not about fearing the worst, but about being prepared for whatever life throws our way.

Do you agree or disagree with the perspective on financial independence in relationships? Why?

Recommended readings:
(Note: The following are external links. I am not responsible for the content of external sites.)

  1. The Family in Ancient Roman Law (ResearchGate)
  2. What is Coverture? (study.com)
  3. Regarding men as superior to women: impacts of Confucianism on family norms in China (PubMed)
  4. Traditional roles and responsibilities of men explained (AMMSA.COM, family of indigenous news archive website)